


This Cat's Life

by orphan_account



Category: Glee
Genre: Fluffy, M/M, crackish, kurt is a cat, really silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-01
Updated: 2012-06-01
Packaged: 2017-11-06 13:52:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/419624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt's life is tilted and turned when he wakes up to find himself a cat--and in Sebastian's care.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Cat's Life

**Author's Note:**

> I don't remember what brought this on, but I thought it was great, so I wrote it. >.> It's silly and crackish, but I hope you enjoy it all the same!

Kurt blinked slowly, the world coming into focus after a long nap. Out of the corner of his eye he could see the ungelled main of Blaine's curls, and the DVD menu for  _ Moulin Rouge! _ was on a constant loop, since they had both dozed off after watching it for the millionth time. Kurt blinked, a little more firmly to rid the sleepsand from his eyes. He stretched—and  _ that’s _ when he noticed it.  
  
Well. Several things.  
  
He definitely wasn’t wearing clothes—that was the first thing. Then he realized that everything around him looked huge. Especially Blaine.  
  
Kurt stopped mid-stretch and sat up straight, looking around. He eyed the TV screen, looking ridiculously far away. His gaze turned to Blaine, who was still dozing. Kurt felt panic start to rise in his chest, and then—and  _ then— _ he felt his hair stand up. Or, more specifically, he felt his tail puff up.  
  
His.  
  
Tail.  
  
He turned over his shoulder—fluffy, brown with lighter brown stripes shoulder—and hissed at his tail. He reached to try and swipe at it, but to no avail. Determined, he tried again. And again. And again. It wasn’t until he was wobbling and dizzy that Kurt realized he’d been chasing his tail, of all things.  
  
Kurt dug his claws into the bedsheets, the fear and panic  _ really _ setting in. If he was still human—still normal—Kurt was sure his lip would have been pouting. But he wasn’t, so he decided on a pitiful mew instead.  
  
Kurt looked back at Blaine, and nodded to himself—if cats can nod, he wondered idly. Unsteady and very much  _ not _ used to have four legs and paws, Kurt weebled his way over to his best friend. It seemed to take ages to make it across the landscape of Blaine’s bed. Finally, though, he did make it, and proceeded to paw at Blaine’s neck, at his chin.  
  
Blaine stirred lightly before turning over away from Kurt. Kurt wasn’t having any of that, and hoisted himself up onto Blaine’s shoulder to sniff at his face—though the scent of aftershave was incredibly overwhelming—before purring against his ear in hopes to actually wake him up. It worked, and Blaine’s eyes started to twitch and flutter.  
  
A mumbling “Kurt...?” was first from his mouth, before he noticed the cat perched on top of him. Blaine froze, eyes wide in confusion. He opened his mouth before closing it, and scooping the cat up. Kurt wriggled, spreading his claws with an indignant  
  
“Me- _ ow _ !”  
  
Blaine paid it no mind, and set him to the side. “Where did you come from, little guy?”  
  
Kurt glared up at him. How dare Blaine not recognize Kurt! Surely he was still fabulous as a cat—?  
  
Blaine smiled sadly down at him, and actually gently rubbed his ear. “Sorry, little fella,” Blaine picked him up again, still stroking along his spine. “I’m allergic.” He admitted in a hushed tone, grinned.  
  
Kurt  _ wanted _ to be angry, but honestly it probably wasn’t Blaine’s fault he was a cat, and Blaine just looked so guilty that he couldn’t keep Kurt.  
  
Kurt stilled in his grasp, claws digging in to the sleeve of Blaine’s cardigan. Blaine yelped, and held Kurt out at arm’s length.  
  
“Bad kitty! Ugh, I’m gonna need some Benadryl.” Blaine continued on his way to the front door. “Okay, out you go. Be safe, alright?” Blaine said hurriedly. He opened the door—he could feel his arm getting a little swollen from where Kurt’s claws had scratched him.  
  
Kurt flailed, yowled, and put on his bed doe-eyed look once Blaine had set him on the porch; it wasn’t raining—Kurt thanked whatever deity had given him that—but it was still cold, being late Fall and all. Blaine shut the door, but Kurt didn’t depart. He scratched at the door, stretching up to paw at the mail slot, making it  _ clink _ repeatedly. He meowed, and chirped—there’s something he didn’t know, that cats could  _ chirp— _ anything, to get Blaine’s attention.  
  
Sure enough, after fifteen minutes, Blaine returned. He barely opened the door, just enough to look down at Kurt. “I told you! I can’t keep you!”  
  
Kurt mewed again.  
  
“Shit,” Blaine took a step back, letting the shivering brown tabby inside. “I’ll call Sebastian!” He announced, missing the way Kurt’s fur prickled again. “Perfect. He  _ loves _ cats.”  
  
Kurt, had he been able, would have scoffed at the irony. But he couldn’t, and instead he trotted after Blaine into the kitchen. As he looked around, Kurt was again struck by how large everything was. He didn’t even come up to Blaine’s knee.  
  
He felt rather like Alice, looking up at the  _ gigantic _ table and barely being able to see a glass of water and a half empty bottle of Benadryl. Kurt startled, scrambling back when Blaine started to speak again.  
  
“Yeah, hey Seb.” There was a muffled response. “Kurt? He musta’ left.”  
  
Kurt, again, felt mildly insulted that Blaine hadn’t noticed until that moment that he’d left. (Though he hadn’t really left at all.)  
  
“But, no, Sebastian, stop. Shut up.”  
  
Kurt snickered, though it came out a few choked purrs.  
  
Blaine raised his eyebrows, but didn’t comment. “This cat got into my house and—yeah—yeah exactly, I’m allergic.” There was a brief pause, and Blaine broke out in a grin, “Oh my god, you’re great. That’s so awesome. Besides, David is coming over later, and I wanna clean up and everything. Okay, see you in a bit.”  
  
Kurt watched as Blaine and Sebastian bid each other goodbye, and Blaine turned back to him.  
  
“You’ll be taken care of in no time, little guy.”  
  
Kurt purred as Blaine stroked his head, but it was short lived. Blaine straightened and walked into the living room, leaving Kurt to his own devices. Rather than following him, again, Kurt wandered around, sniffing things and recoiling when his senses were overpowered. He attempted to get up the stairs, and made it up four of them before deciding it wasn’t worth it. He trotted—toppled, more like it—back down the stairs and slipped into the living room.  
  
Blaine was sitting on the couch, sipping his water and watching television. Kurt sat before him, ready to leap before chickening out; what if he fell? What if he got hurt? It was, certainly, a scary thought. So instead he brushed his chin along Blaine’s leg, purring and nuzzling. Blaine grinned down at him but scooted him away.  
  
“No.” He commanded gently.  
  
Kurt hissed and sat, instead. He stared at Blaine, determined to burn holes into his temple so that Blaine would be  _ forced _ to deal with him until Sebastian arrived. But Blaine was equally content to ignore the cat giving him the death glare. They remained like this—Kurt focused on Blaine who was focused on, Jesus what  _ was _ that?  _ Mob Wives _ ? Again, Kurt desperately wished he could scoff. They remained like that until a knock at the door distracted them both.  
  
“Come in!”  
  
Sebastian took the invite, and marched into the living room. He nodded to Blaine, but it was obvious that he was scanning the room for the cat. Kurt, oddly eager for attention, rushed under Blaine’s legs and pawed at Sebastian’s feet. Sebastian’s whole face became uncharacteristically ecstatic.  
  
“You didn’t tell me he was this fucking adorable.” Sebastian snapped as he cupped his hands under Kurt’s arms. “Oh, blue eyes. That’s rare, you know.”  
  
Blaine grinned, bemused. “I didn’t, actually.” He patted Seb on the shoulder. “Alright, get him out of here before I swell to the size of a balloon.”  
  
They talked as they walked. “Are you really  _ that _ allergic?”  
  
Blaine nodded, sadly. “Yeah, and I feel bad cuz my mom had to get rid of all her cats once I was born. They’re with her sister, but still.” Blaine leaned against the front door as Sebastian stepped out onto the porch. “You’ll take care of him, right?”  
  
Sebastian looked down at Kurt again, smiling affectionately. “Yeah, ‘course.”  
  
Blaine smiled. “Lemme know what you name him, if you keep him.”  
  
Kurt shivered, though, suddenly uneasy at the way Sebastian replied, “oh I’ll  _ definitely _ be keeping him.” He didn’t give in to the urge to struggle, though, because Sebastian was his ticket to a warm house and certain affection. So he stayed—a little rigid, perhaps—in Seb’s arms as they clambered into the car. He stayed in his lap as they began to drive; though he peeked out the window a few times, fascinated by the rush of scenery going by them.  
  
It was strange, sure, but Kurt had to admit, being a cat wasn’t half bad.  
  
)  
  
Sebastian handled him with more care that Blaine had managed; Sebastian constantly massaged his fur—in all the right spots, too. Just below his ear, at the base of his tail, under his chin. It was, in one word,  _ perfection _ . Kurt wouldn’t stop purring, and was sure he’d fall asleep before long. Sebastian carried him gracefully from the car to his house, and Kurt perked up. He’d never been to Sebastian, despite the fact they’d gotten over any dispute they had had while Kurt and Blaine were together.  
  
He looked up at Sebastian, a little ashamed to admit the slight stubble on Seb’s chin was intriguing. Kurt reached up a paw, claws retracted, and brushed against it. It didn’t feel the same as it would’ve if Kurt had fingers, but the scratch against the pads of his feet was pleasant enough.  
  
Sebastian grinned down at him, fumbling with his keys with one hand. “You’re pretty cute as a cat, Kurt.” He said, tone blatant and cocky.  
  
Kurt felt his eyes widen, and he dug his claws into Sebastian’s arms. Sebastian tapped him, hard, on the nose.  
  
“No, bad kitty. I’m not gonna hurt you.” He let them into the house. “You’re lucky Blaine thought to call me.”  
  
Kurt, internally, had to agree.  
  
“You’re also lucky I’ve got some cat food to spare.”  
  
Kurt hissed, and Sebastian chortled, setting Kurt on the kitchen counter—Kurt looked around wildly, when did they get there!?  
  
“What? Are you too good for some Meow Mix or Fancy Feast?” Kurt narrowed his eyes, only managing to make Sebastian laugh harder. “Alright, Calorie Cat, how about some tuna?” Kurt would have rathered something else, but the look on Sebastian’s face was telling him that that was the best he’d get. Kurt mewed in assent. “Great!”  
  
Kurt watched, pacing along the counter as Sebastian grabbed a bowl and a can of tuna.  
  
“Mayo or no mayo?” He asked, pausing by the fridge.  
  
Kurt tilted his head, before meowing again.  
  
“Alright, mayo!”  
  
As Kurt continued to stare, he was struck by the thought—how did Sebastian know it was him? And how was their communication so easy, when it seemed like interacting with Blaine was such a struggle. Sebastian set the bowl in front of him with a charming grin.  
  
“There ya go.” Sebastian announced proudly. “After you eat, how about a bath.”  
  
Kurt froze before erupting in a fit of hissing. (He wasn’t sure, though, if that was just cat instincts or because of the idea of Sebastian and him, in a tub...) Sebastian laughed at him and roughly ran his fingers over Kurt’s back.  
  
“Alright, alright. Come find me when you’re done eating.” Sebastian leaned in, and for a split second, Kurt was  _ sure _ Seb was going to kiss him; but, no. He just broke out into a grin and winked at him.  
  
Sebastian turned on his heel and waltzed out of the kitchen, clunking up the stairs. Kurt waited until he heard a bedroom door shut before turning to the bowl before him. He licked his lips, surprised by his own hunger. He dug in eagerly, throwing caution and proper manners to the wind—it wasn’t as though it mattered. He was a  _ cat _ for fuck’s sake.  
  
)  
  
Sebastian was sprawled out on his bed, book in hand, smirking to himself. Rather than turning on his music or the television, he listened with careful and keen ears to Kurt in the kitchen. He had stopped eating after a few minutes, and Sebastian had heard his little kitten feet land on the floor when Kurt lept off the counter. He smiled at the thought; Kurt made one hell of a cute cat.  
  
Finally, after a fair amount of time, Kurt started to yowl again. Over and over until Sebastian gave in and left his room, moving to stand at the top of the stairs.  
  
“What’s the matter, Kurt?” He teased, crossing his arms.  
  
Kurt glared—as much as a cat can—and pawed at the step in front of him. The steps here were even bigger than the ones at Blaine’s, and were thusly harder to climb. He’d made it up two before declaring him exhausted and in need of some skilled hands under his ears. He meowed again.  
  
Sebastian didn’t budge, though. “Come on, you can do it.” He taunted. “You’re a big kitty, aren’t you? A big, strong kitty?” Sebastian wasn’t sure where the urge to tease had come from so suddenly, but it was fun—and adorable, as he watched Kurt scramble up onto another step.  
  
Kurt placed his paw on the next one—the fourth one!—and tried to heave himself up. Honestly, it was a mystery to him as to why he was so small; he wasn’t skin and bone when he was human, so in all logic he should’ve been slightly bigger. But it was nothing he could change, so instead he powered on. He planted both paws on the step and pushed his bag legs curling forward to latch onto the carpeted step.  
  
And though his claws latched for a moment, he let go too soon and toppled back onto the fourth step again. Kurt hissed as he rolled over, and looked back to Sebastian. He mewed softly, flicking his tail in what he hoped was a cute, appealing manner.  
  
Sebastian couldn’t help the way his heart melted a bit. He really did love cats, and even if it was Kurt it was no different. If anything, it made it better. Sebastian sighed and took the steps two at a time until he was on the same level as Kurt. “Alright, y’big baby.” He cooed, scooping Kurt up, belly up. “C’mon.” Sebastian retraced his way up the stairs and slipped back into his room.  
  
As soon as the door shut, Kurt began to squirm and finally managed to get Sebastian to let him down. Kurt started to prowl, head held high as if he owned the place. Sebastian watched, unafraid to voice his amusement. Kurt shot him a dirty look and paced back over to him.  
  
He scratched at Sebastian’s pant leg—an already slightly faded and ripped type of jean—and stared up expectantly. Sebastian rolled his eyes and hooked his hand under Kurt’s stomach.  
  
“You’re such a brat.” He remarked, carrying Kurt to his bed.  
  
Kurt mewed as if to say, “ _ duh.” _   
  
Seb broke out in a smile. “I’m impressed, honestly.” Kurt cocked his head curiously. “You’re handling this better than Wes did when it happened to him.”  
  
Kurt fidgeted and crawled off Sebastian’s lap; he turned in circles, frantic.  
  
“What? You think you’re so special that this only happens to you?”  
  
Kurt gave what Sebastian assumed was the equivalent of a shrug.   
  
“No way, Kurty Kat,” Sebastian reclined into the pillows again. “Happened in November to Wes. He went apeshit, clawing on everyone, tearing shit up.”  
  
Kurt slinked over, walking over Sebastian’s arm to settle in the curve of his elbow. Sebastian didn’t voice his surprised, but his expression was certainly stunned. All the same, he leaned his other hand over and scritched Kurt’s ears.  
  
“Good kitty,” Sebastian yelped when Kurt bit his finger, tugging on it for a moment before releasing it. “Fucker.” Sebastian amended. Kurt ruffled his fur, proud and showing off his teeny, pointy teeth. He pushed at Sebastian’s arm, encouraging Sebastian to continue, eying him. “Oh, well that’s it.” Sebastian shrugged. “I dunno. David took him home and they came back the next day, good as new.”  
  
Kurt twisted again, and Sebastian was pretty sure he was trying to rub his paw ‘in thought.’ He was getting cuter by the second. It was absurd.  
  
Kurt mewed in defeat. He had no immediate solution, and he was sure his best bet was to just hope it was as easy as Sebastian made it sound.  
  
Sebastian grinned at him, maybe just a little predatory. He moved his arm, causing Kurt to roll onto his back and twist for leverage and balance again. While Kurt was subdued, Sebastian locked his hands lightly around Kurt’s soft belly, holding him up.  
  
“You really are just too fuckin’ cute.” He said again, looking Kurt in the eyes, grinning. “You know how I knew it was you?”  
  
Kurt blinked in response.  
  
“Yeah, your eyes.” Sebastian’s smile softened. “I mean, cats have blue eyes. But not blue like yours.” He let go of Kurt, and rather than move Kurt curled into a ball on Sebastian’s chest. “You know how gorgeous your eyes are, though.” Sebastian trailed off.  
  
Kurt peeked one of his said eyes open, almost smiling.  
  
“But I guess I can tell you anyways.” Sebastian nuzzled Kurt’s forehead briefly before continuing.   
  
Kurt settled in again, the top of his head pressed against Sebastian’s chin as he listened to his eyes being described. Kurt purred softly, relishing the detail Sebastian put into his descriptions, the fervor with which he spoke. All the while, one hand was a constant rubbing on Kurt’s back.  
  
The evening sunlight was beginning to stream in from a window, shining right across Sebastian’s stomach, and warming Kurt’s back just enough to make him sleepy. His eyes closed firmly and he heaved a sigh, purring through his nose.  
  
Sebastian chuckled, the vibrations tickling Kurt’s paws, causing them to curl. Kurt licked his lips once before snuggling a little closer.  
  
Attractive, teasing jerk or not, Sebastian made a damn fine pillow.  
  
)  
  
Kurt, for the second time that day, felt his eyes flutter open; though, rather than it being late afternoon like it was at Blaine’s, though, it was verging on late evening. He moved to stretch again, ready to throw his paws in front of him and curl his tail right in Sebastian’s face.  
  
Except for the small, teeny tiny little fact that he was no longer in a perfect ball on Sebastian’s chest and was instead sprawled across his entire body—he was human again! Sebastian was still asleep underneath him, though his arms were wrapped around Kurt’s waist.  
  
Kurt brought a hand up and stroked his cheek, admiring the soft, relaxed elegance of Sebastian’s stubbly expression. He seriously could be a model, Kurt remarked; he pursing his lips, a little put off by his own attraction to the man. Kurt went from pursing his lips to biting them as he contemplated kissing Sebastian.  
  
Before he could make his final decision Sebastian grumbled into consciousness.  
  
“Mm, evening.” He mumbled, smiling against Kurt’s flushed cheeks. His hands came to life, one sliding up Kurt’s back and the other coming to rest on the curve of his ass.  
  
Kurt’s blush bled down to his chest and shoulders as he realized, suddenly, that he was completely naked, lying on top of a boy who looked as though he wanted to devour him. He made to roll off the bed, but Sebastian’s grip tightened around him.  
  
“Ah ah ah. Bad kitty.” Sebastian teased and leaned up. He bit at Kurt’s lip. “You’re mine!” His tone oozed cheer.  
  
Kurt tried to look cross but Sebastian’s hand was steadily massaging his skin; goosebumps followed the trail left by Sebastian’s fingertips. Kurt shivered and opened his mouth to tell him off.  
  
Sebastian smirked, quirking an eyebrow and shooting Kurt what could only be called  _ bedroom eyes. _ A breathless keen toppled out of his mouth rather than a scolding.  
  
“That’s what I thought,” Sebastian rolled them over, pinning Kurt to the bed. “Good kitty.”  
  
)  
  
Kurt huffed; he looked absolutely ridiculous in Sebastian’s clothes. They were a smidge too long in the torso, but too tight in the sleeves. Despite Seb’s constant reassurances that he looked smoking hot, Kurt still felt obnoxious.  
  
“Well, we can’t go to Blaine’s if you’re  _ naked _ , Kurt.”  
  
Kurt was sad to say that Sebastian had a point.  
  
So, after he had found pants and a shirt that didn’t look  _ too _ terrible on him, they clambered into Sebastian’s car and drove back across town to Blaine’s. An oddly perfect gentleman, Sebastian rushed to get the door for Kurt each time; he also kept his hand on the small of Kurt’s back, rubbing circles in it, loving the way it had the same affect as rubbing that spot below a cat’s ears.  
  
Kurt had obviously picked up some interesting habits in his time as a cat.  
  
Sebastian knocked, and Kurt tapped his foot impatiently. Finally, after what felt like ages, Blaine opened the door with a surprised look on his face.  
  
“Uh, Blaine?” Kurt tilted his head, put off by Blaine’s lack of composure.  
  
“Hey, Kurt, hey Sebastian. Where’s the cat?” He asked in a rush.  
  
“Owner came by.” Kurt stepped across Sebastian’s no doubt snarky answer. Kurt shot Seb a look then looked to Blaine again.  
  
“Are you guys dating?” Blaine asked, suddenly calm but pleased.  
  
Kurt opened his mouth and looked between the two. “Ah, uhm.”  
  
Sebastian’s grip tightened. “‘Course. I play for keeps.”  
  
Kurt flushed red with a smile. He removed Sebastian’s arm from around his waist to link their fingers. “Yeah, we’re dating.” He reiterated.  
  
Blaine nodded, a bit dramatically, before looking slightly panicked again. “So, uh, what brings you guys round?”  
  
“I think I left my phone here.”  
  
“Oh.” Blaine gnawed his lip, but eventually let them in by taking a step back from the door. “Sorry for the, ah, mess.” He said sheepishly. “A dog showed up and I have no idea what to do with him.” As if on queue, the sound of paws and claws skidding across linoleum floors sounded, and a rich brown Newfoundland dog—hulking, big, slobbering but exuding on edge affection—came barreling into the hall. He nearly knocked Blaine off his feet, causing Sebastian to erupt in laughter.  
  
Kurt looked down at the dog, and the fluffy beast looked back, tongue peeking out over his teeth. Kurt broke out in a grin; he’d recognize those vibrant-green infused hazel eyes anywhere. Oh, David was going to have a fun time getting Blaine to realize it was him.


End file.
